Representative Erlan Hedrick's "Frozen Salad"

It’s hot. Or it has been, at least. In LA County in California, we experience 100-degree days in a good deal of July and August, and usually a few in September. The forest caught fire 30 miles from our house, the temperature peaked at 111 while my heat-avoidant parents were visiting…why am I telling you all of this?

Because I feel like, after trying one frozen “salad” and having the worst experience of my entire tasting life, I went back to the well. Yes, another frozen salad. It may not have worked before, and it shouldn’t work for anyone ever…but maybe it’ll work for me!

Chef Erlan Hedrick

Democratic Representative from West Virginia

Favorite Food/Homespun Recipe: Favorite Food

Notable:

heading a tuberculosis sanitarium

As always, I followed the recipe word for word, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 pkg lemon Jello

1 pkg lime Jello

2 cups boiling water

1 cup canned milk (not diluted)

1 No. 2 can crushed pineapple

1 cup mayonnaise (or Miracle Whip)

1/2 cup chopped nuts (any kind)

1/2 pint cottage cheese (small curd)

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Dissolve Jello in boiling water.

Such a classic first step.

2) Let cool slightly.

About 15-20 minutes.

3) Mix and add other ingredients. Pour into a glass Pyrex dish and freeze. Serves 15.

I had to look up the standard size of canned milk in the 1950s/1960s to ensure I used the right amount. Same with pineapple, which has apparently been 20oz for a No. 2 for as far back as I can see. But once I confirmed it all, I knew just what to do.

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the Cookin’ with Congress Instagram or TikTok and sometimes, YouTube Shorts. Look familiar? Yeah, it sure looks like Anniversary Horseradish Salad, but fast-frozen by a supervillain. Same coloration, same chunks of something dairy-based and white. No pops of lovely red pimento, but am I really complaining about a lack of that element? If that’s the only thing that’s missing once I taste it…

Verdict:

Oh god I don’t know if I can ever do a frozen salad again. It’s nails on a chalk board. It’s like biting rust. It’s like grinding your teeth on—I actually can’t even finish the thought, it just gave me chills.