Ambassador Max Taylor's "10-Minute Mock Pizza"
Think back to childhood pizza. No, not the cheese discs from Chuck E. Cheese or the glorious school-provided pizza parties if your class read enough books or planted a tree or some other achievement. Think back to HOMEMADE pizza from your childhood, and I bet if you grew up in the 80s, 90s or 2000s, you had at least one instance where your parents developed a half-assed concoction that Italians would denigrate and belittle.
And it was delicious.
Mine was an English muffin or slice of white bread with pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and pepperoni. I’ve heard “tortilla + marinara + provolone “ and “bagel + ketchup + American cheese + pepperoni” and many, many more.
Let’s see what Max Taylor preferred.
Chef Max Taylor
Ambassador from Missouri
Favorite Food/Homespun Recipe: Favorite Food
Notable:
being a big fan of Bobby Kennedy; called by some “most destructive general in American history”
Quotable:
“There are no heroes, just bums.”
As always, I followed the recipe word for word, no alterations:
INGREDIENTS
3 English muffins
1/4 cup onion, cut up
2 tbsp green pepper, cut up
2 cups canned tomatoes, cut up and drained
6 slices American cheese
2 tbsp olive oil or salad oil
1/2 tsp salt
red pepper
paprika
INSTRUCTIONS
1) Split English muffins, toast, butter lightly and set aside.
Nothing fancy here — no sourdough, just classic Thomas English muffins.
2) Cook onion and green pepper in oil only until soft, not brown.
3) Add tomatoes and salt (more is preferred) and simmer for a few minutes.
Do not cook this until it becomes a sauce. Your best instincts will tell you to do this, but Max Taylor would not approve. Just a few minutes of simmering. I also realize that “cut up” is vague — diced? Chopped? I went with diced, but not finely diced.
4) Arrange English muffins close together in pan. Pour tomato mixture over them, place slice of cheese on each muffin (should neatly cover), sprinkle lightly with red pepper, more heartily with paprika.
Now you could also choose Swiss cheese, but I went with American because it felt…American. And that’s what we do here.
5) Put close under broiler until sauce bubbles and cheese starts to brown. Serve immediately.
Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the Cookin’ with Congress Instagram or TikTok and sometimes, YouTube Shorts. Childhood is calling, can Max Taylor answer? It certainly smells like fake-pizza!
Verdict:
The invention of jarred pasta sauce must have saved so many lives. I’d prefer pouring some marinara on a buttered English muffin and obviously, new cheese choice. American is always a letdown except with burgers.
