"Coke Salad" by Representative Jamie Whitten

Back in my salad era, as I was too enticed by this distinctly American dish to pass it up another week. I’d been eyeing up its molded Cola-infused form since I spotted it in the 1970 Congressional Cookbook. Does it live up to the hype? Representative Jamie Whitten’s Coke Salad.

Chef Jamie Whitten

Democratic Representative from Mississippi

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the 54-year veteran of the U.S. House of Representatives, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 can sweet dark cherries (cut in half)

1 No. 2 can crushed pineapple

cherry & pineapple juice

1 pkg. Cherry Jello

1 pkg. Strawberry Jello

2 bottles (regular size) Coca-Cola

3 small pkgs. Philadelphia cream cheese

1/2 cup chopped pecans

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Drain juice from cherries and pineapple and bring juice to boil.

2) Pour juice over Jello.

It is always at this point where the house becomes redolent of whatever is being mixed with boiling liquid; in some cases, meat. In this case, it is artificial flavors of the “red” variety. Could be worse, but get ready for cough syrup aromatics.

3) Let cool a few minutes and then add Coca-Cola.

I used Mexican Coke — the best and only.

4) Add cherries, pineapple, cream cheese and pecans.

The recipe did NOT say to warm up the cream cheese or to stir it until dissolved, but I did mix it a bit just because…well yeah, otherwise it’s just blocks of cream cheese, right? Bricks. It doesn’t make sense. Even with my breaking them up, I’m still not convinced it’s supposed to look like this — I feel like if it were blended together in a food processor, maybe we’d have more “success?”

5) Pour mixture into mold and let congeal. Serve on lettuce with mayonnaise. Serves 10-12.

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the CwC Instagram or TikTok. Using one of my new molds — a rose shape — led to some fascinating textures. Does it look sort of like a rose made of raw organs? Yes! Is it also pretty? Yes! Laying part of it on some fresh romaine gives it a real pizzazz. Add in a cup of mayo on the side and you’ve got a full meal fit for a Coca-Cola fiend. Undeniably striking on your picnic table.

Verdict:

It may resemble what blood pudding looks like in the imaginations of all non-British children, but it’s not awful. I kind of liked it, actually. Except when dipped in mayonnaise, which completely ruins any good will earned by this dish. Horrific addition to what is essentially Starburst Cream Cheese.