I don’t often eat frozen salads, so my interest was piqued when I spotted this “frozen pear salad” recipe enjoyed by Representative Harold Johnson — canned pears, cream cheese, walnuts — doesn’t sound too bad!

Oh, and mayonnaise. Frozen mayonnaise.

Representative Harold Johnson recipe — Chef Harold Johnson

Democratic Representative from California

As always, I followed the recipe word for word directly from the man known by many as “Bizz,” no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 large can pear halves

1 pkg. cream cheese (4oz)

1/2 cup chopped walnuts

4 heaping tbsp mayonnaise

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Mix cheese and pear juice, add nuts and mayonnaise.

A simple recipe. Important to make sure that the tablespoons are HEAPING with mayonnaise.

2) Place pears cut side down in an ice tray. Cover with mixture and freeze.

This was a bit tricky, as my pear slices were a bit larger. I went with an ice cube tray that produces large, rock-style ice cubes best for spirituous cocktails. They fit snugly, then I poured the mixture over.

3) Slice and serve on lettuce leaf. Serve 8.

How to slice a giant mayonnaise ice cube? I sliced each cube into three even slabs, almost like Spam. Delicately placed upon fresh lettuce, I hope this is what BIzz was imagining.

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the Cookin’ with Congress Instagram or TikTok. It has the appearance of geometric sashimi. The pear and walnut are visible, giving it a cross-section appeal, but the pallid whiteness still looks like fish to me. Thankfully, it does not smell like fish — just pure, sweetened mayonnaise.

Verdict:

My god. The texture stunned me. Stupefied me. I choked down 1/2 of one bite before letting the rest go. I could never have imagined how bad it is to eat frozen mayonnaise.