My fellow Americans:

Salute these real recipes from real congresspeople, recreated with love and fear by me.

Do not try these at home.

"G.O.P. Cookie Crumbles" by The Watergate Cookbook (1973)

"G.O.P. Cookie Crumbles" by The Watergate Cookbook (1973)

Another recipe courtesy of “friend of the show” Andy Waplinger via The Watergate Cookbook. My curiosity was piqued by seeing a two-ingredient recipe that included two things I don’t often mix together — noodles and chocolate. I was sold. Plus that name is very smug and fun. G.O.P. Cookie Crumbles from The Watergate Cookbook (1973):

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the source, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 package semi-sweet chocolate bits

1 can chinese style noodles

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Melt chocolate in the top of a double boiler.

Not chocolate chips; chocolate “bits.”

2) Add noodles and mix gently.

Maybe you’re like me and you did not know that canned “chinese style” noodles would be a little hard to find and would also be dry. I had no idea what I was getting when I had to order them offline, and half-expected a can of sopping wet noodles to flop into my chocolate. I think that’s an indicator of just how low the bar has been set on this blog.

3) Drop by spoonful on cookie sheet. Refrigerate 1 to 2 hours.

This mixture was admittedly not spoon-friendly. I did my best to drop by the spoonful, but what I got was 12 different shapes and sizes of pointy bird nest.

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to bite it, go to the CwC Instagram or TikTok. As you can see, this is not really a cookie and it does not crumble. There is nothing crumbly about it — it was truly just a joke; a dunk on the G.O.P. that had zero to do with the dessert’s physical properties. Even in your mouth, it doesn’t crumble, it snaps addictively like a pretzel. It is also simply not a cookie, but more of a child’s first attempt at a dessert; closer to a Rice Krispie treat in category (ingredient + ingredient = easy sugar snack). Not a complaint on its nature, but the name does do it a disservice.

 

Verdict:

This is difficult to love, but even more difficult to dislike. It’s just crispy wheat flour + chocolate. Jagged and unwieldy, but once you get a crumble in your mouth, you’ll probably want another.

"Sausage Cake" by Representative Herbert Bateman

"Sausage Cake" by Representative Herbert Bateman

"Percy's Presidential Mold" by The Watergate Cookbook (1973)

"Percy's Presidential Mold" by The Watergate Cookbook (1973)