You, the Instagram followers and readers, overwhelmingly voted for me to make this dish instead of something called “Happy Ham,” and though I was excited to pour beer over pig, I’m so glad you chose this.

Chef Ronald Reagan

Republican President from California

As always, the recipe here is word for word from the man they called Dutch, The Gipper and sometimes “dementia-riddled,” and I recreated it with exactitude:

INGREDIENTS

1/4 cup butter

5 large onions, chopped

5 cups beef broth

1/2 cup celery leaves

1 large potato, sliced

1 cup dry white wine

1 tbsp vinegar

2 tsp sugar

1 cup light cream

1 tbsp minced parsley

salt and pepper

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Melt butter in large saucepan. Add chopped onions and mix well.

Don’t be tempted to make these onions caramelized, browned or even blonde — according to the recipe, you just mix. Too much heat and you’ll change the dish completely into some sort of un-American French onion soup.

2) Add broth, celery leaves and potato.

Where will the wine come in? We have a storied history of alcohol flavoring/ruining dishes.

3) Bring to boiling. Cover and simmer for 30 minutes.

4) Puree mixture in a blender.

“We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed.—Ronald Reagan — “We are trying to get unemployment to go up, and I think we're going to succeed.”
—Ronald Reagan

You want a smooth soup. An immersion blender would probably work best, but that’s not what Ronald Reagan wants us to use, so please do not.

5) Return to saucepan and blend in wine, vinegar and sugar.

6) Bring to boiling and simmer 5 minutes.

7) Stir in cream, parsley and salt and pepper to taste. Heat thoroughly but do not boil. Serves 6-8.

Just 2-3 minutes is all it took for a completed Onion Wine Soup. Voila, get ready to do Dutch proud.

Chunky, yet wet. Creamy, yet not overwhelmingly so. Bits of parsley and celery leaf make for the occasional green accent in a sea of grey, but they’re mostly just there for looks — flavor-wise, the dish is aptly named. It’s onions. It’s wine. It’s soup! Bon appetit.

Verdict:

Raw onion and warm wine are the highlights here. It had potential, it really did, but without browning those onions up top, it’s punishing. It’s punishing to you and those who make out with you.