"Midnight Supper" by Senator Dick Lugar

Sometimes you get home from a hard day’s work, you’re tired, it’s late, and your significant other hasn’t left you a roast in the oven. That’s when it’s time for a classic, late night snack.

Eat it at midnight or else — Senator Dick Lugar’s Midnight Supper.

Chef Dick Lugar

Republican Senator from Indiana

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the Tea Party-hating Republican, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

2 slices toast

3 eggs

Salt to taste

2 tbsp sour cream or imitation sour cream

1 tbsp butter

1 cup asparagus spears

5oz cheddar cheese soup (undiluted)

Paprika, for garnish

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Trim crusts from toast.

Sometimes adults also do not prefer crust.

2) Lightly beat together eggs, sour cream and salt with a fork.

3) Then melt butter in skillet and scramble egg mixture.

4) In separate pan, heat asparagus spears. In third pan, heat cheese soup.

Microwaves were certainly around when Chef Dick invented this recipe, but he instead insists that you use 75% of your ranges. The good thing is, it’s almost midnight (or 9:15PM, which is when I started this adventure) — what else would you be using them for?

“Very rarely does food enhance the conversation.”

—Dick Lugar

5) Place hot drained asparagus spears on toast. Top with scrambled eggs.

Drain your spears or you’ll end up drinking your toast.

6) Pour cheese soup over top of eggs. Serve with sausage, bacon, Canadian bacon or a green salad. Serves 2, should be eaten by 1.

Never mind! You’ll be drinking your toast anyway with this indulgent cheese soup slathering. It’s actually the best texture for bread anyway — sopping. Personally, I chose to serve my Midnight Supper with sausage on the side. While it may appear that I poached egg yolks and mistakenly poured them over top of toast, that is actually just cheddar cheese soup—undiluted, whatever that means.

The first flavor that hits you is that bright yellow cheese soup — it’s the second, third and fourth flavor, too. If you like uncut cheddar or think that a Philly Cheese Steak would be better with less meat and bread, you’re in for a treat. Bonus if you enjoy flaccid asparagus as well.

Verdict:

“Serves two, should be eaten by one” is my favorite part of this recipe, especially since I couldn’t eat two bites of this. I like toast. I like asparagus. I like scrambled eggs. I discovered, however, that the phlegmy drip and the aggressive faux-cheese flavor of cheddar soup I do not like. I do not like at all.