"Thanksgiving Salad" by Representative Leslie Arends

Looking for a new twist on a Thanksgiving classic? Look elsewhere! For today we dig into a Thanksgiving recipe that is not new, not classic, and not currently being served on any tables across America. Be the first one in your state to make: Representative Leslie Arends’s Thanksgiving Salad.

Chef Leslie Arends

Republican Representative from Illinois

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the Nixon apologist, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 pkg lime Jello

1 cup boiling water

1 pkg pimento cream cheese (3oz)

1 small cup drained crushed pineapple

1/2 cup pineapple juice

1/2 pint whipping cream

1/2 cup chopped pecans

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Dissolve lime Jello in 1 cup boiling water; add cheese and melt.

The cream cheese did not exactly…melt. Because it is cream cheese in boiling jello.

2) Add pineapple and juice.

3) Fold nuts into whipped cream, mixing well. Add to Jello mixture.

Discovering mid-recipe that you need to whip the cream reminds you to read the entire recipe before starting. You never know what secrets are hiding in this 50-year old creations.

4) Refrigerate until set. Particularly good with fowl. Serves 4-6.

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the CwC Instagram or TikTok. The color is akin to Nickelodeon Gak. The smell is firmly faux-lime. The texture is Nickelodeon Gak. Does it taste like Gak? It certainly has the bounce of a gelatinous 90s toy, and the texture is somewhere between compressed ambrosia salad and raw scrapple. Happy Thanksgiving!

Verdict:

Folks in the midcentury sure loved their pimentos, which is a shame, as they ruined could have been a perfectly weird-but-palatable lime jello salad. Did I like it? Not really? Did I stop eating it immediately? No. Do with that what you will.