Governor Mills Godwin's "Fresh Cranberry Salad"
I wanted to publish this before Thanksgiving, but alas, I could only whip up 5 different holiday dishes, eat like two presidents and fly up to Seattle and back to LA within four days. Still feeling accomplished and joyful, and I still wanted to publish Fresh Cranberry Salad, which I did end up making pre-holiday.
Does anyone want this cranberry salad post-Thanksgiving? No.
Does anyone want this particular cranberry salad ON Thanksgiving? You better believe they did not. So I may as well release it to the world now, when it has the exact same chances of being made in someone’s home: zero percent.
Chef Mills Godwin
Republican and Democratic Governor from Virginia
Favorite Food/Homespun Recipe: Favorite
Notable:
Switching from Democrat to Republican; racist segregationism
As always, I followed the recipe word for word, no alterations:
INGREDIENTS
1 package fresh cranberries, ground
1 whole orange, ground
2 cups sugar
1 large pkg Lemon Jello
2 cups hot water
1 cup ice cubes
1 cup diced celery
1 cup chopped pecans
lettuce
mayonnaise
INSTRUCTIONS
1) Combine berries, orange and sugar.
I blended my oranges and cranberries together into a pulp first.
2) Dissolve Jello in hot water; then add ice cubes.
Classic CWC. It’s not like making Jello itself takes any skill, but if it did, I’d be an expert.
3) Add fruit, celery and nuts.
Also classic CWC. Pecans + celery + a goopy substance is the usual. This time though, the goop is on top instead of mixed in.
4) Pour into 1 large mold until firm. Serve on lettuce. Mayonnaise is good on this salad.
Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the Cookin’ with Congress Instagram or TikTok. Damn, it broke upon unmolding unfortunately, but just slightly. Mostly intact, this salad sure is one for the look books — chunks of ground fruits, bits of celery and nuts — it’s a sight to behold. From a distance. I think this recipe, along with Ronald Reagan’s Cranberry Sauce and Dan Walker’s Cranberry Nut Mold, proves that I have made enough cranberry-based items for at least the next 11 years.
Verdict:
Alone, the salad has the texture of garbage. I really mean that, too — garbage disposal garbage. But with the mayo on top? New heights of nasty. Why always with the mayo? Couldn’t they leave well enough alone and let it be beautiful but ugly and a 4/10 on the flavor scale?
