"Pretzel Salad" by Representative Chet Edwards
Love a Chet! You don’t meet many Chets out there anymore, but it was really the soup-du-jour back in the 50s for kids names. Speaking of soups, how about a salad-du-jour for today’s recipe? Hailing from Texas…it’s Representative Chet Edwards’s Pretzel Salad:
Chef Chet Edwards
Democratic Representative from Texas
As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the only Democrat in Texas not named Beto, no alterations:
INGREDIENTS
1 cup pretzels, crushed
1/2 cup butter
1/2 cup sugar
8 ounces (1 package) cream cheese, softened
8 ounces (1 tub) whipped topping
1/2 cup sugar
2 tbsp cornstarch
1/4 cup sugar
20 ounces crushed pineapple, drained, reserving liquid
INSTRUCTIONS
1) Mix pretzels, butter, and sugar together and spread into an 8“ x 12“ dish.
Using my common sense here — not all the sugar. Probably just that first mention of sugar. Not the second or third mentions of sugar in this sugar-forward dish. I also only had a 9-inch circular dish so…
2) Bake crust five minutes at 350°. Let cool.
The pretzels don’t really seem to have the volume to create a crust, so maybe there’s a Chet mistake (1 cup of crushed pretzels vs 1 cup of pretzels, crushed)??
3) Mix, cream cheese, whipped, topping, and sugar. Spread over first layer.
Using a bit of common sense again…but I (correctly) assumed that I should not use all of the whipped topping for the first layer. That’s why it’s smart to read the entire recipe before you get started. Especially with these politician-chefs, you never know what they’ll sneak in there.
4) Mix cornstarch, sugar, and pineapple juice drained from the can of crushed pineapple.
5) Cook on stove over medium heat until thick. Let cool.
You’re looking for gelatinous texture, something like Aquaphor or Vaseline but yellow and chunky. Yum!
6) Stir in crushed pineapple. Spread over second layer.
7) Top with whipped topping. Chill. Mix 12 to 15 servings.
Voila! If you want to actually watch me eat it, go to the CwC Instagram or TikTok. Otherwise I’ll let these still images and my words do all the imagineering: when you look at it, you’re expecting either the most boring pie you’ve ever had, or a mayo-infused coagulate horror-show. Neither is true! The crust didn’t exactly taste or feel like crust, but it provided a technical bottom; more importantly, it provided salt. That salt from the pretzels counteracted the 360g of sugar in the entire dish. And that mayonnaise-reminiscent topping? It’s actually a very nice texture. No grit from the sugar, no congealing — must be the magic of Cool Whip. Thanks Chet.
Verdict:
It’s sweet, don’t get me wrong. 30g of sugar per serving. It’s also pretty sloppy and gloppy but…I found myself transported back to my western Pennsylvania roots: ambrosia salads, fruit & marshmallows, etc. I ate a whole piece with childlike joy. Got a hell of a headache though.
