My fellow Americans:

Salute these real recipes from real congresspeople, recreated with love and fear by me.

Do not try these at home.

President Calvin Coolidge's "Pork Apple Pie"

President Calvin Coolidge's "Pork Apple Pie"

Back in the late-2000s, there was a bacon craze. Everything was topped with bacon, infused with bacon, engorged with bacon — it was a lot. And I like bacon. It’s great with eggs and I’ve enjoyed in a boatload of milkshakes. The trend needed some course correction, and it died of course, like all trends do. But tell that to President Calvin Coolidge. He won’t let the trend die — hell, he may have INVENTED it (doubt it — in fact it was actually a wildly successful marketing tactic from the pork industry).

Calvin Coolidge

Chef Calvin Coolidge

Republican President from Massachusetts

As always, I followed the recipe word for word directly from the president who kept a raccoon as a pet, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

10 tart apples

1 cup maple sugar

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1 tbsp flour

salt

10 tiny pieces of salt pork

top crust

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Core, peel, and slice at least 10 tart apples, and put into deep pieplate without a bottom crust.

I went with Granny Smith apples and a cast iron skillet, since “deep” is a little vague in 1920s terms. Also, 8 apples took me all the way to the top (apples were probably smaller back in the early 20th century).

2) Sprinkle maple sugar (light brown sugar will do, but is not quite as good), nutmeg, cinnamon, flour and a generous pinch of salt over the apples.

3) Dot with about 10 tiny pieces of salt pork.

Salt pork, not bacon, is the star of the show here. If you can’t find salt pork, I’d recommend just completely skipping the meat because if you’re here to recreate a recipe with exactitude because you believe it will taste good, you might be here by accident.

4) Cover top with pie crust and bake in hot (400 degree oven) for 10 minutes, reducing heat to medium (350 degrees) for another half hour.

I whipped up a quick, buttery crust courtesy of Sally’s Baking Addiction. It’s my go-to crust recipe plus or minus a few tweaks.

Pork Apple Pie dessert

Voila! If you want to actually watch me attempt to eat it, go to the CwC Instagram or TikTok. I know how to make a fine pie crust, let me just say. This wasn’t my best due to the build of the pan (cast iron skillet), but visually, it’s probably accurate to the 1920s. The smell is glorious — baked apples, nutmeg and a touch of bacon — and as I smelled it, I started to think this recipe might just be a success. Much better than the last meat dessert I made.

 

Verdict:

Calvin Coolidge Pork Apple Pie

The salt pork bits not withstanding, this is a great pie. Delicious buttery crust, good levels of spice, and I dig the maple sugar. Each pork bite was too much and too little at once — it’d be better with candied or caramelized bacon or pork belly. Just eat around the pig.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "Aspic of Chicken"

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "Aspic of Chicken"

President Andrew Jackson's "Nut Soup"

President Andrew Jackson's "Nut Soup"