Jul 4

Jul 4 "Drunken Loaf" by President Thomas Jefferson

We’re going way back this time — further back than we’ve ever gone by at least 150 years!. All the way to July 4th for this special holiday meal. If you’re an American, then July 4th means grilling, fireworks, freedom and putting thunder jackets on your scared dog or dad. It’s also the day John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died, which is very romantic. To honor one of the dead presidents this year, I’ve recreated a sensuous loaf.

President Thomas Jefferson’s Drunken Loaf, to be exact.

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the inventor of negative campaigning, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

Loaf of French bread

1 pint red wine

1 lb macaroni

1 tbsp butter

Heavy cream

6 oz parmesan cheese

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Heat a loaf of French bread until nicely warmed. Pour red wine over it and wrap loaf tightly in aluminum foil for 1/2 hour.

“We never repent at having eaten too little.”—Thomas Jefferson — “We never repent at having eaten too little.”
—Thomas Jefferson

Makes sense that Chef Jefferson would be using French bread — he was a big Francophile, as well as a few other kinds of -phile.

2) Meanwhile, boil macaroni in boiling salted water.

Make sure you boil your macaroni in boiling salted water, not regular kind.

3) When the macaroni is cooked, drain it and put it in a large pot or mixing bowl. Add butter, enough heavy cream to mix, and grated parmesan cheese. Mix all together until it has a custardy consistency.

I ended up using a tablespoon of heavy cream, and a little bit of the pasta water remained as well to keep the cheese from sticking. We all know what a custardy consistency is, yeah?

4) Then unwrap loaf and ladle macaroni and cheese over the loaf.

There was significant amount of mac and cheese — remember, one pound — that did not fit on the loaf. I ladled it all on anyway, though some fell off for the final photos, you’ll see. It did not go to waste.

5) Brown the top under the broiler and serve piping hot.

Burn that little cheesy masterpiece and serve it right away. It only took 3-4 minutes to brown like a bear.

There you have it. Thomas Jefferson’s Drunken Loaf, presumably named as such because of the three glasses of wine that go into the dish. And boy, I sure tasted that wine. It made me wonder if I should have picked something nicer than a pleasant $10 Syrah, because that wine remained on my tastebuds for a while. Bread, macaroni and cheese sauce together make this feel like two dishes sandwiched into one, plus a glass of wine alongside — it’s like a full meal, but all in one package, invented by a slave-owning dead man.

Verdict:

This meal is carbs on top of carbs, filled with liquid carbs that overpower the other mild flavors of bread and unspiced cheese. It’s a slightly grotesque, slightly enticing hangover food. Thomas Jefferson was an alcoholic.