"Tomato Lemon Aspic" by Representative Robert Ashmore

Jello — heard of it? Of course you have! You’ve had it in shot form, you’ve eaten Jello pudding, and you’ve definitely seen it used to great effect on this blog with famous dishes like Diabetic Cucumber Salad and Wine Jelly. Well, prepare to see a whole new side of jello — the tomato side.

Chef Robert Ashmore

Democratic Representative from South Carolina

As always, I followed the recipe word for word from the gelatin master and lesser-known congressperson, no alterations:

INGREDIENTS

1 small onion, finely chopped

2 cups V8 or tomato juice

1 package of lemon Jello

3 tbsp lemon juice

1 cup chopped olives and celery

INSTRUCTIONS

1) Boil onion in 1 cup of juice and pour over Jello.

I went with tomato juice instead of V8 because I actually have a terrible carrot allergy, but if you’re a V8 fanatic, by all means, go nuts.

2) Add remaining juice and lemon juice. Refrigerate until it thickens.

This took about 90 minutes to thicken to the point where it wasn’t solidified, but was beyond syrupy. Timing may vary.

3) Add olives and celery.

Good. Good idea.

4) Pour into mold and chill until firm.

I chilled overnight, though it was difficult to wait 20 hours to dig into this cold slice of heaven.

After 12-24 hours, your Tomato Lemon Aspic will be ready, and you, my friend and reader, will be ecstatic. You would think the chunky bits of sweet, lemony tomato and other traditional salad toppings would only be a vegetarian’s dream, but carnivores can rejoice: the color is beautifully meat-like, and the mouthfeel is like pig belly with the occasional surprise gristle. It’s like a Blood Mary, sans alcohol, congealed into a vegetable flesh dome.

Verdict:

What do you think it tastes like? Look deeply at that picture and remember there is Jello all through it, mixed in with pre-made tomato juice and salty brine-bombs and tell me what you think it tastes like. Use your nastiest words to describe it. Your saltiest, nastiest words. And there — you’re 10% of the way there to how rough this was to suck down.